Beloved

“In whatever way you approach Jesus, you will find only love and mercy…. See everything in simplicity as God sees it. Do not complicate anything at all. Go on like a little child that wants to be forever in its Father’s arms, and close your eyes as you pass through the tunnel of life; sanctity is a simple thing.”
-Mother Agnes of Jesus, O.C.D.
 
As a therapist, I have a front-row seat to the barrage of self-criticism that fuels much of humans’ emotional pain. Like white noise, it’s unceasing drone muffles everything else, keeping us from full awareness, trust, and quietude, yet we often don’t even notice this mental habit.

Most of us are quite familiar with the insidious voice of self-condemnation. It is a distraction from love, from compassion, from God’s presence. It distorts reality, so we can no longer recognize the things that nourish us, shifting our gaze to our inadequacies rather than quickening our pace to the well containing “living water.”

The more tips and instructions we seek and unsuccessfully attempt to implement, the more our sense of failure mounts. New Years’ Resolutions don’t stick, especially those shame-based ones (weight loss, anyone?). We can’t work ourselves into greater happiness, no matter how many goals we set and how hard we try.

How about this for a replacement to self-criticism – practicing kindness toward yourself in each moment that you remember to do so. When you notice you are using a harsh, condemning tone with yourself, name that as the voice of the Enemy. God’s stance toward you is one of unfailing compassion, and his voice is full of love and mercy. Any other voice is a fake. In the words of Jan Richardson, “Beloved is where we begin.”

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

Looking for practical ways to quiet your inner critic? Here are some places to start:

• Writing: Set aside some time to list your most common self-critical thoughts, practicing curiosity so you can become more familiar with your patterns. This increases the likelihood of noticing your thoughts and remembering you have other options. 
• Prayer: Talk to God honestly about your insecurities and self-condemning thoughts. Then keep quiet and listen for his voice in return.
• Imagery: Identify a simple mental image that conveys comfort and compassion to you, such as those named by Mother Agnes in the quote above (e.g. resting as a child on the chest of a parent, closing your eyes as you “pass through the tunnel of life”). Practice reaching for this simple image on a regular basis throughout the day, taking a few deep breaths each time.
• Breath awareness: Focus on the sensations of your breath coming in and out of your body, noticing the care and nourishment God is providing with each breath. He loves you.  
• Mindfulness meditation: Practice a compassionate attitude (toward yourself and others) using a Lovingkindess Practice, such as the one found in A Mindful Moment: 5-Minute Meditations and Devotions.

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Mindfulness-based counseling for adults, teens, and couples is available through my private practice, Dwell Psychological Services, for clients in Grand Rapids, MI (in-person), and throughout all 42 PsyPact states (virtually). Non-clinical mindfulness coaching is available anywhere in the world for individuals or groups seeking to strengthen their understanding of mindfulness theory and practice. More information can be found at www.DwellPsychological.com or www.bit.ly/IreneKraegel. Let me know how I can support you on your journey!