Stay

The Garden of Gethsemane.  Jesus -- the Son of God -- was about to die, taking on the sins of the whole world in an  horrific and public execution.  He had spent years on earth, intentionally sharing the human experience in a life filled with poverty, rejection, homelessness, and violence.  Now he was fully present to the reality of his upcoming sacrifice, "grieved and agitated," in deep turmoil.  No avoidance of emotions here -- Jesus is throwing himself on the ground, sweating blood, asking his heavenly Father to "let this cup pass." And in the midst of all of this intense, divine drama, there is one simple request he makes of his disciples.  Stay awake.  He's taking care of everything else.  He just wants them to stay awake.  (Matthew 26:36-46 & Luke 22:39-46)

They can't do it.  They are too tired.  Luke's account gives them the benefit of the doubt and cites their grief as the reason they can't stay awake -- whatever the reason, the disciples are checked out.  They are not present.  They have left Jesus in his grief and turmoil, not even capable of staying awake to pray for their own salvation from the time of trial as suggested.  Their attention is gone, and Jesus is urging them to stay.

I find myself comforted by this account.  Because I, too, am not great at staying with Jesus.  My devotion to Him flags, I doubt Him in my thoughts.  I forget to notice Him.  I live as if I am my own boss, generally oblivious to His all-sustaining care in each moment.  I fall asleep.  I neglect prayer.  I am like the disciples. And so I know that His ultimate sacrifice for these wandering, sleepy, avoidant, checked-out men counts for me too.  They didn't earn his love and neither do I -- He takes us as we are. 

But what an example Jesus sets for us, and what a beautiful admonition.  "Remain here, and stay awake with me." Wow.  What does it look like to stay awake?  To stay awake with Jesus?  The Taizé song, Stay With Me, is often sung during Lent, and it draws me into this longing to stay with Jesus -- to be fully present with Him.  Could there possibly be anything more fulfilling, more satisfying?  No, nothing. Being unified with Christ is the answer to all of our deepest questions. 

I use mindfulness to practice staying.  Mindfulness is sometimes referred to as the practice of being fully awake.  It keeps us from sleepwalking through life, so that we don't miss out.  Through mindfulness practice, we train our attention to rest with intention on the present moment (which, by the way, is where we must be if we are to stay with Jesus).  We train our awareness to be alert and our eyes to be wide open.  We practicing noticing our wandering (whatever the reason for the drift), and we bring our attention back as many times as we are able.  We practice staying. 

Jesus, you are here.  I choose to practice staying so that I can be with you.